A homage to the greatest being I have ever encountered.

It was July....2004.  My husband Jason and I were newly weds.  We had JUST purchased an old home in Pittsburgh. A "fixer upper"  Jason was in the middle of getting his Master's degree from Carnegie Mellon.  Rewind about a couple of months....Jason & I were living in an adorable post civil war home  in an upstairs apartment.  Below us lived a Frank Foley, a gem of an old man who was George Patton's body guard!  He was still living on his own in the place below us...but he needed some looking after for his meals & to keep him company & help with his general routine.  Several months prior, I offered his daughter my help.  After all, I was living upstairs & it would not take much for me to see that he was ok every day- and I was in between jobs, having just moved to Pittsburgh from Florida.  Anyone that really knows me knows that I am a big softie for aging folks & he was a lot of fun.  He had many great stories & the best jokes!  Well- over the course of the time I helped him, we became friends.  In May, it appeared that Frank had suffered some type of stroke in the middle of the night.  When I checked on him in the morning, something didn't look right.  I called his family & off to the hospital he went...and sadly that is where he remained the next couple of weeks.  Frank passed away May 15th, 2004.  My husband at the time was active duty in the military & he had the honor of assisting in the folding of Franks flag & presenting to his family.

In July of that same year, I was just about to move into our newly purchased fixer upper & was looking through the classifieds for one thing or another.  I came across a small ad- "Shiloh Shepherd Puppies for sale AKC Papers...."  I knew that I wanted to get a German Shepherd because I grew up with them all of my life.  I decided to hop in the car while Jason was at class to take a look.  All the puppies and their parents were in the yard.  Immediately when I walked in, there was this one little puppy that attached itself to me.  He looked me right in the eye, followed me around the yard nipping at my ankles.  He kept rolling around in the grass & he was much more furry than the other puppies.  I bent down to pet him & he was biting my hands playfully.  I asked the breeder what his name was....and she said the kids named him Frank.  My eyes about popped out of my head!  I had to have this puppy!  It was a sign!  I asked the breeder how much & then went home & waited anxiously for Jason to get out of school.  I told him all about this puppy named Frank!  I was so excited to get him, that we went back the very next afternoon & bought him.  The breeder said I suspect he's going to be a biggie based on his paws & structure! I thought....well THAT is a sign too!  I need to name him Biggie- especially since thats the name of my favorite hip hop artist!  So biggie came home with us to begin his life....by the way....biggie was 8 weeks old, born May 15th, 2004...the day Frank passed away.

When Biggie was 9 months old, I was running with him in my Pittsburgh neighborhood when A pit bull came sprinting out of an alley.  Biggie- just a pup, jumped in front of me and onto the dog.  The pit bull latched onto his neck & would not let go.  I screamed bloody murder so loud that the neighbors ran outside & called the police.  I got on the pit bull's back and furiously punched him between the eyes over & over.  It was only when the dumb ass owner (who had his dog off his leash) came over and put his own hands in his dog's mouth that he finally let go, sending his owner to the hospital with something like 80 stitches- and Biggie had to get 60 staples in his neck.

About 6 months later, Biggie was healed & we brought him to a beautiful park with a fast running river.  He loved to open up and run super fast and chase us.  It was our game.  Jason would hold him and I'd sprint ahead  & then he would let Biggie go.  Man!  Off he ran!!  Sprinting after me & I would laugh so hard when he'd catch me and jump really high excited around me!  Well this one particular day....something caught biggie's eye near the river.  He sprinted after it & could not stop himself on the mossy rocks.  It was a freezing late March day.  In the river he went....and without flinching, so did I.  I jumped in the moving water and saved my boy, as he did for me months earlier.  The water was FREEZING...But my adrenaline was pumping so hard, I didn't feel it!

I hate to sound so cliche...But with all sincerity....This dog has been the best dog any human could have the pleasure of owning.  He has been with me through 8 moves, 5 different states.  He has seen me at my worst...and shared in all the joys.  He was so in tune with my emotions that if I were scared, his hair stood on end & he came to attention.  When I was sad, he'd push back his ears and get in my face & lick the tears away.  When I suffered my heartbreaking miscarriage, he had to physically be lifted off the bed to eat his food & go outside.  He wanted to be near me.  When my husband & I argued, he got between us.  When my beloved mama passed away, he sat on my lap.  I'll never forget it.  All 110 lbs of him climbed on my lap & rested his head on my shoulder.

A story I often share was when I was getting ready to be induced with Hayden.  I gathered all my things that morning and headed to the car.  As I was walking to the garage, I thought....wow.  The next time I come into this house I'll have a baby!  Amazing.  I opened the garage door and stopped dead in my tracks.  I turned around and saw Biggie standing up against the wall watching me leave....It was as if he was saying, aren't you going to say goodbye?  I dropped my bags and ran across the room and laid with him on the floor hugging & kissing him.  He knew.  He knew that he would take a back seat from now on, and he wanted his moment.  And I gave it to him despite everyone yelling at me to hurry up!  He was there for me all those years when I just had him....every time I had to leave a neighborhood or job to follow Jason's growing career...it was him that hung out with me while I unpacked.  It was him that explored the neighborhoods with me...It was him that kept  us company on Friday nights when we knew no one yet.  When I walked away he was content.  When the new baby came home, he recognized that she was a piece of us...and he never once even knocked her over.  In fact, he became protective.  He would guard the house on high alert!  Whenever anybody came within a foot of our driveway, he ran to me, barked and ran to the windows.  There was no way anyone was getting near us.

Over the years as we grew our family, and moved again & again- he has been our fearless protector.  That is why when he began to slow down a couple of years ago...our hearts grew heavy.  Biggie started walking a bit wobbly.  It was as if he had parkinson's.  And the symptoms gradually worsened.  I tried everything on the planet to get him the right diagnosis.  MRI/CT Scans, specialists, occupational therapists....I tried 2 or three different Vets in every state we lived in.  The diagnosis seemed to be the same.  He had a degenerative disc disease...or a spinal issue.  His legs and hips-surprisingly- for a dog his age & breed showed little to no deterioration.  After blood work and imaging, it has been determined that he has Degenerative Myelopathy, a progressive illness of the spinal column.  That combined with a few bad discs make for a not so good diagnosis.

So today...The reason I am writing this blog...is because I am in utter agony.  After a few really bad days, I took him back to our specialist.  The prognosis is not a good one.  He gave us some new meds that we are to try for the weekend.  If they don't help, we need to say goodbye to our buddy.  All of this pain, and I would not trade it for the world.  What I have gained from this animal is more than I have gained from any other single being in my life.  The lessons of love, protection, responsibility, patience, compassion, trust, annoyance, empathy & loyalty have been passed on to my children.  I just never allowed myself to think that they will learn Bereavement.  But they will soon.  It is one of the greatest gifts I could have ever given them.  Their basic emotional and physical needs have been met through comforting contact, love and affection.  He has helped with their social skills because lets face it- he is the most handsome dog on the planet!  Everyone always comes up to us to talk about him!  And my kids learned to talk to people that way.  The gifts he has given me are endless, not different from the love that I feel for him...from this life to the next.  I don't know what I will do without him.  I can't stop crying because his effect on my life has been so grand.  My life will never ever be the same.  Hold your dog tight and tell them you love them, as we will be doing the same with our amazing Biggie Boy.  The doctors tell us if he does not respond to the medicine prescribed him today, we are looking at a couple of days to a couple of weeks at best.  Cheers to the most loving, gorgeous & gentle soul I have ever been blessed to know. 

Post Marathon Report

So I am following in the footsteps of my old college Track & Field Teammate as she did post running Boston & I'm going to write about my marathon experience so one day I can look back & remember every detail...  So here goes...

Let me start back about a month and a half before the race.  I did a 15 mile run on a Sunday.  I felt so strong Running about 7:50 pace.  Up until this point, I hadn't had any injuries.  My knees were a bit tender, I had some problems walking up & down the steps but over all I felt great.  Coming off a good 3 years of not really working out hard...not to mention this was the FIRST time in my life running more than 5 miles consecutively (in college I was a Sprinter/Jumper) I felt like I was doing pretty damn good!  Well that changed that afternoon. I felt a slight pain in my groin. The next day I had to cross train & i felt a pull.  That Tuesday, I had an easy 5 miles.  I couldn't even run 100ft.   I started crying & told my husband that something was wrong.  Went home...iced, heated- I'm sure I did everything wrong but I didn't know what the heck was causing this horrible pain in my groin.  Literally felt like it was inside my you know what.  Putting a foot down & applying pressure- was not happening.  I took 2 days off.  Thursday I ran 3 miles.  I could only get through it because I had some left over Ibuprofen 800MG from my C-Section.  So off to the doctor I went.  First to the Chiropractor, then a referral to  Performance Therapy for some Active Release Techniques (or ART).  This is when I also started Physical Therapy.  I was so terrified that I would not get better that I was doing everything and anything to get through my long runs.  That helped some but a prescription from my general practitioner for some anti-inflammatories was what got me through the next 3 weeks.

So September 20th (our 11 year anniversary) Jason & I did a 20 mile run.  I felt great.  I took my anti-inflammatory about 20 minutes prior- had plenty of electrolytes & strawberry "shot blocks".  This was particularly important because prior to the 20th, I had not been eating anything during my runs!  What a difference the shot blocks made!  When I finished I put my arms in the air like I was crossing the Olympic finish line!  I looked out around the park & i don't think a single person was looking in my direction.  Whatever.  I felt like a champ.  So I hobbled to my car to do some post run stretching & I noticed not only was my left groin aching, but my right hip flexor/IT band was throbbing.  Back to the ART Specialist, PT & Chiropractor.  I slugged through the next week, and as a last ditch effort went to see an orthopedic.  He took an ex-ray & was pretty positive that I did not have a tear or fracture in my hip or pelvis.  He confirmed that it looked like FAI (Femoralacetabular impingement) He said that because I spent the last 3 weeks running on the injury to m groin, that I was overcompensating and had strained my hip flexor on my right leg.  He did prescribe me meloxicam, which is a different type of anti-inflammatory & a topical cream.  I think that I needed a change because the other medicine was not helping my pain anymore.  The last 3 weeks of training was horrible.  I felt horrible every day, tapering down was supposed to feel good but I was in SO much pain & no amount of time off was giving me any relief.  So on I trudged.

My parents who had just returned from Portugal the day prior made the 13 hour drive on 3 hours of sleep to come take care of our kids.  The 2 days leading up to our flight down to key west was so busy.  I was extremely anxious, had so much to prepare for my parents with their care of my kids- not to mention I was still limping and needed to get some last minute PT etc.  Wednesday I called a acupuncturist and explained my injuries.  She had an appointment open Thursday morning (the day of my flight) As desperate as I was, I nabbed it.  Have I mentioned I have never done acupuncture before?  Holy Crap!  But in retrospect, I think the acupuncture saved my race!

So we fly down to Miami & meet up with our Marathoning friends...Hop in a van & head down.  We arrived at the Base Officer's Quarters at around 10 pm & went right to bed.  The next day we got up & realized that even at 8 in the morning....It was F*ING HOT!!!!!  We did a quick 2 mile run & spent the rest of the day eating carbs & watching movies.  It was time for bed.  I was SO concerned and filled with anxiety that my injuries would prevent me from finishing the marathon that I could not sleep at all.  I think if I slept more than 45 minutes that night it was more than I remember.  I tossed and turned and felt butterflies in the worst way possible.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not fall asleep.....and then the alarm sounds.  4:00 AM.

We got up, got dressed, tried every which way to go to the bathroom before the race successfully I might add and off we went.  It was pitch black out...but the start line was all a buzz.  Music blaring through the speakers at the start line of the Rum Barrel, the bar that sponsored the race.... (We chose Key West because of the idea that upon finishing, we could crawl over to the first bar stool we saw & celebrate our victory) We all hovered around the port-a-potties trying to get the last visit in before the 5:30AM start gun.  I didn't want to run near any of the people I knew- so I said my goodbyes & picked what I thought was a comfortable spot.  Then out of the blue I hear "DARIEN!!!!"  I look over my shoulder and I see Charlene, my best friend who had flown down so that she could be there to cheer me on.  It was 5:15AM and of course...My bestie was there!  I started crying!  After some hugs & quick photos.....Small stretches- I was ready.  The gun sounds.  A roar from the tiny accumulated crowd, whistles blowing & horns sounding...I was off!  And then I had to reign myself in.  I was shooting for an 8:30 pace through out.  Now- I am by no means a distance runner- I wasn't trying to break any records, I was simply trying to stay with what I was comfortable running during my training.  I always seemed to be at about 8:15- 8:20 post injury (prior I was consistent at 7:50ish) so I just wanted to be at a reasonable pace.  My first mile I was at 7:30.  LOL!  I definitely was on that "high" they talk about.  I calmed down a bit and settled nicely into the 8:20 pace.  My leg was comfortably numb from the meloxicam & cream & I was on my way.  I ran in the dark past the tiny groups of volunteers that came out to cheer us on, some with music & neon hula hoops....and photographers along the way taking pictures.... then around mile 10, the sun peeked out over the blue water horizon. At about the same time, my middle toe on my right foot started to feel weird.  The toe nail started rubbing up and down along the inside of my sneaker, and really started annoying me.  I was used to training in the summer with 5 8 oz bottles of Lemon Lime Gatorade attached to my belt & I only had 2 8oz bottles with me, relying mainly on the route-side hydration.  I think this was a critical mistake.  I should have went with my gut & carried more because this small race had water set up every mile and a half.  I had not anticipated that the early morning sun would literally take the life out of me.  By mile 16, the sun was in full force and I was struggling.  Each mile I fell back another 10 seconds.  It was this exact moment that I turned the corner & read a sign "Mama's Garden center".  Mama is the name that we called my deceased grandmother.  My guardian angel & the love of my life....It was a Literal sign.  I knew that I would make it.  My legs were wobbly.  If I stopped, I would not start again for sure.  By the time I got to mile 20, I was playing mind games with myself.  I would slow down to almost a walk and then pick it back up when I had strength.  The route was so terrible.  We were running in full sun.  So not only was it hot outside, but there was not a tree or a cloud in sight.  I found myself crossing the streets to get to spots where there was a tree or something so I might get a mili-second of relief.  My mouth was dry & my hydration belt was empty.  The water stations were so far away....around mile 22 a chick on a bike with a basket rode next to me & said something like "not much longer now" and i wanted to lunge on her back and beat the piss out of her with whatever I had near me & ride her bike to the finish.....and that is when I came up on my husband.  My dear husband who had a goal just to beat his time at the Boston Marathon...was struggling.  The heat had gotten him too.  I felt awful because he had really taken this challenge on for me.  He knew that I was falling into a terrible slump after giving birth to my son & having a difficult hernia repair....The idea of a marathon jump started me back into shape.  He had been there with me through all the runs, pushing the double baby jogger next to me with both kids- my 5 year old & my 1 year old son....sacrificing his own goals so that he could run with me & encourage me.  I'm not sure if you've ever pushed a double jogger stroller for 13 miles....it is hard!  So it was fitting when I reached him that we would be together encouraging each other.

The last stretch of the course before entering the quaint little party town of Key West was a 2 mile length of side walk lining the gulf.  The sun was blaring, reflecting off the water & I swear it was magnetized to my skin....at this point we were grabbing liquid from the stations and just dumping them over our heads.  I felt like I was hallucinating, vaguely remember a cop sitting in a squad car cheering us on.....I knew I did not have much left in me, I kept arguing with myself internally & at one point I did yell "I can finish this shit!  Come on!!"  Turning the final corners were unbearable...all I wanted to see was the finish line.  Jason telling me he was proud of me...........and then I see Charlene, beer & camera in hand....racing along side us...taking pictures.  As with any important moment in my life- there she was.  From college to the birth of my babies....she has always been there for me.  I reach for Jason's hand...we are .2 away from the finish line.  Since I am 22 years old, he has been there next to me...in all forms at one point or another- Angry. Happy.  Proud. Sad. Afraid.  Beaten. On top of the world. Ready to strangle me.  Disappointed. Thankful.  As corny as I feel writing this....I felt so proud of us at that moment.  I mean- this wasn't the NYC Marathon, or Boston- but it was MY marathon.  I never in my life time would think I would say that.  I remembered the reason why I wanted to do this.  In part, because of all the inspiring people I saw cross the finish line in Boston that day...Including my husband... but because I remembered what an asshole I was in college.  How much I wined and complained when I would have to run the 800 or the 400.... How I despised the workouts and felt angry all the time & that I disappointed my teammates with my poor attitude- what I wouldn't do to get those days back & do it the right way....but now, holding my husband's hand as we approached the small group assembled at the finish...and past the flashing bulbs, I had proved to myself that I CAN follow through with a training plan...and I can be successful.  I finally felt like I can close the door on those memories.  Jason raised my arm up in victory!  I finished 8 minutes over my goal.  I wanted to finish under 4 hours.....So be it.  I finished, my injuries didn't overcome me, and we were done!  4:08:52

As I crossed the finish line, I felt like I was blacking out.  My legs were coming out from under me.  Just then, a little lady came over & grabbed me and held me up with her arms bear hugged around my waist.  She walked me over to a chair & I got about 5 ice water buckets dumbed over my head by a paramedic.  I could not see.  The sun had burned my eyes.  The lady leaned down to me & in an accent said "Congratulation...I am Brazilian".   She was gigging & so happy & congratulatory....I still could not talk but her accent sounded so much like my Grandmother.  After I regained my composure,  Jason encouraged me to walk around.  I wanted to thank the Brazilian lady....but she was gone.  A small part of me wants to believe that she was my Grandmother.  I had seen the sign on the course, as well as the yellow butterflies that followed me around town the 2 days prior.....

So now I am finished with my race.  I haven't run for the past 3 weeks.  I've started some cross training, trying to repair my groin & hip flexor injury before I take on my next challenge.  I keep thinking in my mind that if I didn't have these injuries a month out before the race & if I didn't choose a marathon that would have me running in 90 degrees, full sun...That I might have had a better time.  So in these quiet moments that i am reflecting on my race....I think...Can I do this again??  I'm going to be 40 in 2015.  Should I do it??  For now....I am going to sign up for the NYC United Airlines 1/2 Marathon March 15th...and see what I can do from there:  To Be Continued.......

My First 20 Miler- 3 weeks post injury

Acupuncture treatment 2 days before marathon

Our AMAZING partners in crime, both coming in first in their Age Groups!

Day before the race, walking around Key West looking for carbs to load

Getting our numbers

My Number + Lucky Charm sticker :-)

Night before the race, setting up our gear

Pre-race Jitters....looking for the shitters. LOL

Approaching the finish line!

Jennifer & I

Jeff, Jen & I trying to feel better

Here is that bitch of a last 2 miles before you hit the town that about killed me.  Notice the lack of shade....anywhere!! 

The sign I saw when I needed it most!

The course

The boys after a night of celebrating....Jason threw up & Jeff wasn't far behind

Pictures from Training....and that damn double jogger

Happy after our 20 miler!

About to run...

1/2 marathon training

This is what 18 miles looks like....

I used these like "Bumps" during the long runs. lol

After my 2nd 20 miler