Pregnancy joys

I wrote this when I was living in Tucson, AZ...I was pregnant with my daughter Hayden....updated 2013 version to follow....
I love that:

1.  I am congested 24/7
2. The weather in Tucson is 108 degrees and I can no longer go outside without feeling like I am going to evaporate.
3.  My boobs are 2 unrecognizable tremendous (for me)rocks that are perched above my watermellon of a stomach.
4. My undercarriage continually feels like it may fall off at any given moment.
5. I can't sneeze without tensing my entire body & squeezing everything shut for fear of GOD that something may fall  on the floor.
6. I have no idea what is going on between my belly button & my knees.
7. Shaving my legs has become like an audition for Cirque du Soleil
8. Speaking of Cirque du soleil, after eating anything with acid in it (Tomato sauce, OJ...hot sauce) I can most likely breathe fire.
9.  I can no longer cook anything on the front burner of the stove without lighting my shirt on fire.  Forget the grill.
10.  I walk like a penguin.
11.  I am  cleaning FOR the cleaning lady.
12.  Some women say how much they LOVE being pregnant....and I want to punch them in the face.
13.  I am considering an eviction notice for this child once I hit 38 weeks.
14.  Lamaze class is almost over.  Who is going to remind me to say "HOO HOO HEEEEEEE" when breathing while I have my husband in a headlock channeling Linda Blair from the exorcist??
15.  I am sick to death of drinking water & even "SICKER to DEATH"  (I know that's poor grammar) of buying toilet paper.  
16.  I get up 4x during the night to fuel my frustration over excessive toilet paper use.  I can't believe I actually considered a bed pan.
17.  I can't eat more than a 1/4 cup of food at a time or else I can't sit comfortably.
18.  My only exercise these days is swimming in the pool and the neighborhood children are beginning to think we put in an aquarium in the yard.
19.  People are asking me now when I'm due to which I reply...."what do you mean...I'm not pregnant" just for shits and giggles.
20.  I can go on and on with this list.

Listen-  I don't care who you think you are...pregnancy is crazy!  I have been a competitor my entire life.  I was a gymnast, I ran Track & Field for a Division 1 school, I was a cheerleader, the consummate clown,  but this is something from a WHOLE OTHER world that I can't BELIEVE I am doing!  Granted- their are some really great emotional moments...filled with joy, but let's be on the Up & Up! This BLOWS!  9 months....(AND MORE) of no drinking, and all of the above things???  If you are one of those people that "love being pregnant" and you feel "so close to your baby" and feel "joy every day"....KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!  You're making the rest of us who are on the verge of jumping off a bridge feel like a horrible person.  

LOL....Just a few thoughts.....and mostly in jest!!
Now...I'm going to try to get my legs as close as i can to being crossed so I can meditate this out of my system.  Namaste.

:-)

It begins....

I decided to begin blogging because I'm pretty sure my Facebook "friends" are completely annoyed reading my posts in their daily news feed.  I'm certain that my comical quips partnered with pictures of my dog & my kid is equally as annoying as the 20x per day posts about what a great workout this one had or the religious & political views of others.... So here, I can fulfill my need for creativity & expression without feeling like I am shoving it down anyone's throat.  If you are here.... It's because you want to be here. 

A bit about me.... I turned 38 11 days ago.  I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with my second child.... A son to join my 3.5 year old daughter.  I am happily married....though it is always a work in progress.  This year we will celebrate our 10 year  anniversary.  We  have been together for 16 years.  We currently live in a suburb of Tampa, Fl which will be our 10th residence in the last 16 years.  Currently, I am a stay at home mom after being in the workforce professionally for 10 years.  In 2009 we decided the constant moving around was not doing me any good in terms of career & that I should focus on our children until we are in a more permanent living situation.  I'm originally from Long Island NY & my husband was born & raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin....but our heart and our home is in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. We lived in Pittsburgh from 2002-2005 where we bought our first home & have been trying to get back there ever since.  We are doing our best to enjoy each city we live in & embrace the culture....but can not wait until we are in our home for good.  We're insanely in love with our daughter Hayden, our German Shepherd "Biggie" & are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our boy....

So feel free to join me on a journey of self discovery- as I attempt to navigate through turning 38 with a newborn, an over active toddler, an adrenaline Junkie husband all while trying to make this the best year of my life.....