Adjusting to life with 2....at 38!!

Well- I'm doing a lot better than some!  I feel blessed.  My little guy is a great sleeper, has a good disposition.....I'm just trying to adjust to life with the 2 of them.  My daughter is doing pretty good- though she has her moments.  The biggest thing I'm dealing with is a very strong bond with her father....and if he has anything to do with the baby....she is NOT happy.  If he holds him....she asks him to hold her etc.  And when he's not around....all she does is ask for him which makes this very emotional & tired mommy kind of sad.    There are so many little things I wanted to share because no one tells you all this stuff!  I think that mothers are intrinsically competitive about their abilities when it comes to parenting & only if you sit down with another mom that is a life-long friend will you get the full truth and nothing but the truth about how it is to be a new parent of 2.  So here are some of the things I have picked up over the course of the month......

He loves his sleep- No matter where it is!

So getting back into the swing of things will take you by surprise.  You will feel a sense of disconnect with your older child.  You'll feel horrible that you can't be as close or as "on top" of things with them as you always have been...at least until you get somewhat of a routine.  It's been exactly one month & I still don't feel back to normal in terms of our relationship.  I suppose I never will!  But it's a new normal & one that works.  I don't feel as close to my son yet because I am so concerned about how my daughter is adjusting.  I almost feel like I don't want her to "catch me" in the moments that I am kissing him incessantly & talking to him in a baby voice telling him how handsome he is & that the Pittsburgh  Steelers are already scouting him or that he's going to get the hottest chicks in high school.  I am learning that adding her to the conversation is helping ALL of us bond.  

The whole mobility thing messes with me.  I have always been a person on the go.  I would grab Hayden & be off!  But the whole car seat thing is ruining my flow!  Having to take it everywhere, get her in the car...buckled...getting him in there...buckled, making sure she has her sheepie or whatever other toy...then when we get wherever it is...doing the same thing!  I think once the heat turns down a notch in Florida...It will be a lot better but it's killing me right now.  I feel like I can't walk outside or do any of the things we normally enjoy because it's SO flipping hot!  Getting myself ready after breast feeding the baby, feeding my daughter, getting her dressed, changing his diapers, getting him dressed...wow!  It's a whole process.  I have realized that my day begins a whole lot earlier if I have an early appointment....and I catch myself getting frustrated with my 3 year old & saying the dreaded words..Come on!  Lets Go!  Hurry Up!  Because the process is so long to get up and do anything.  :-(  I need to get better at that.   I feel like I look gross everywhere I go.  often times leaving the house with a fresh burp stain on my shoulder unbeknownst to me until someone tells me or I catch it in the mirror.  Speaking of mirror...Oy Vey!  I am aging!  The lack of sleep is lending to big bags under my eyes. That combined with the pouch I still have on my belly makes for not so positive a self image lately.  I am still fighting an infection around my incision which has prevented me from taking my workouts to the next level....so that has been something to contend with as well.  I feel like...am I ever going to feel 100%?  Trying to stay positive is one of the biggest battles at this point....

Breast feeding.  For the love of God.  It's one of the most fulfilling things to do...for me, and for the baby but boy is it hard!  I'm trying to breast feed & pump so that I have a store of the liquid gold for that evening out alone with my husband that I keep fantasizing about.  If I get a big bag of milk I am high-fiving myself.  Is this really what has become of my life?  I am doing a dance and yelling Oh YEAHHHH when I pump more than 4 oz out of a particular less active chesticle?  Wow!  I DO need a life!  But seriously- Breast feeding is definitely not for everyone.  Big props go out to those who can do it for the full year...and beyond...although THIS mom will not go any further than a year.  

The dog.  If you think that your dogs were neglected with the first one....you are going to forget it's/their name/s.  Trying to find the time to snuggle with your buddies is hard at first....but as the routine sets in, it will get better.  And no one is more forgiving than the dog.  

Finding the energy to build somethings & have a few laughs!

Forcing myself to get on the floor and play with my daughter has been rough.  I'm going to say what most moms wont.  Playing with blocks & reading stories & being engaged with the older child is a task.  It takes every bit of me to "want" to get down on the ground & play.....but I force myself to do it...and to look happy doing it.  I pray that she doesn't notice that I'm just exhausted & would like nothing more than to lay on the couch and tune every body out & watch some mindless show.  I'm hoping that this passes once the baby is more on a schedule that I'm not up every 3 hours at night feeding.  

He is very strong already!!

Although there are moments that I think to myself...Oh My God....am I ever going to have a minute of peace?  Am I ever going to have a minute to myself?  I remember the journey...and how much we wanted this for our family & for our daughter.  Totally worth it.  Even as I sit down to write this... My son napping, my daughter dancing to music I have playing & then coming to show me her self choreographed routine.....there is nothing better.  I'll figure it out in time!  It's such a short period of time that they are so dependent on me.  I need to enjoy it.

The 9LB Purge

GOD am I thankful that I did not have to push a 9LB baby out of my you know what!  PHEWWWW for a C-Section!

So the race was on....I was admitted to my hospital the very same morning as Princess Kate.  How did I know that she was going to try and steel my thunder?  But BE HOLD!  No one could have imagined that I was having a 9 LB baby.  That trumps the Prince & his piddly 8LBs 6oz.

I must have gotten MAYBE 45 minutes to an hour of sleep the night before I was to head in.  In my mind my OCD was in full force.  Did I buy enough milk & bread, did I leave enough instruction for my parents, did I write my advance directive & was I supposed to get it notarized?  Does Hayden know how special she is to us & that things will change but not our love for her??  Needless to say...I was exhausted heading to the hospital in the morning.  I had prepared every last thing.....I told my husband to put my luggage, the diaper bag & my shoulder bag in the car while I looked around the house & said my farewells to my dog.  Off we go!

We arrive at the hospital....I say as we are walking in to emergency...Hey Jason, watch this!  And I grab my stomach and pretend to stagger in the emergency room door.  The orderly & nurse jump up from their stations ready to help....at which time I said "Just Kidding!!!"  I'm here for a scheduled C-Section!  The front door/5 AM team had a good laugh...and then got another one when I asked Jason where my luggage was & he responded "What luggage?"  Seriously?  Now I had to wait in the lobby for him to run home & get it.  Thank GOD we live across the street from our hospital!

The C-section was comical.  I was SO terrified.  Getting the Spinal shot scared the crap out of me.  I had such a bad experience with my epidural during Hayden's birth that I was anticipating this horrendously painful thing....When the anesthesiologist swabbed my back with an alcohol prep I practically jumped off the table.  I felt like such an idiot!  I held on to the Physician's assistant  like I was that Italian cruise ship captain & she was the life-boat!  I feel like I got numb within seconds.  My legs had to be carried up to the table & laid out.  Up went the the blue curtain, in came my husband & on came the nausea!  The anesthesiologist told me to tell him every thing that I was feeling.  So I did.  "My left pinky is tingling, I feel nausea, my left eye is twitching, I have a headache, my arms are itching!"  They must have thought I was a maniac!!  But as I lay there hand in hand with my husband, awaiting the cries of my new son...I felt a calm come over me.  I knew it was going to be OK.  Maybe it was the Puerto Rican nurse with her accent like my grandmother's telling me it was going to be OK?  Who knows....but a few minutes later I heard his cries.  And then I heard my doctor say...Where the hell did you hide this baby??  And the group of baby nurses huddled around him...wiping him off, flushing out his mouth & warming him up all while my proud husband confirmed there was a penis while choking back tears.  Then the official weigh came in.  9 lbs 0 oz, 20 inches long. Time? 8:49 AM.

So now he is here.  All those many months feeling uncomfortable leads up to this moment.  I would not change it for a second!  MY recovery has been OK.  They said I can leave the hospital after 3 days, but I opted to stay for 4.  I'm glad that I did.  It gave me an extra night on my own with the baby.  Lucky we did because he started to get Jaundiced. That last day he underwent a battery of tests that determined his Bilirubin number was very high & they wanted to see it get back down before we left.  In addition, they determined that I had some sort of infection under my incision.  The doctor had to make an additional cut in my prior incision line to account for how big this baby was.  It was in that area that I felt the most pain, and still do.  Thank God for percocet & ibuprofen. I was SO careful about not taking any medication...not even tylenol during my pregnancy but this hurt!  I'm still a bit bothered by it....but it seems like it's getting better every day.  The only thing I am concerned about is the scar tissue that I feel under the incision.  I am trying to get my 6 pack back after this & I don't need any strange things happening to prevent that.  I WILL hit the plastic surgeon with a quickness!  Believe that!  

 I was really worried about how my family would adjust.  I have to say its relatively seamless.  My husband is having more of a difficult time with it I think just because he is SO close to our daughter & I think he feels afraid that she's going to feel abandoned.  He has been doing lots of things with her & taking her places & playing games with her.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he can't really bond with our little guy right now as much because all he does is eat & sleep.  He makes sure that he cradles him in his arms when he's sleeping....but because I am nursing exclusively, he can't even bottle feed him until I have a stock pile in the freezer!  Right now that stuff is gold & has my baby sitter's name all over it for the giant glass of wine that I want to have....and the sushi!!  I'd rather him not bond for a few more days than to dig into my stash!

 Hayden has been exceptionally loving.  Every time the baby cries, she comes running into the room!  She is everything everyone said she would be.  Nurturing, happy, gentle, motherly & my helper.  This kid never ceases to amaze me!  She asks to hold him.  She wants to be near him & she does not appear to get upset when we need to tend to him vs. say...watch a cartoon or read a book to her.  She just goes along for the ride.  Seeing her with her little brother just makes me Love her even more...if that is possible.

So NOW IT BEGINS!!  I did the 9 lb purge....now I have to do the 22 lb pound purge!   This week I emptied my refrigerator & pantry of all the things that we shouldn't be eating.  We are on to eating clean!  I am SUPER focused on achieving my goals!  From here on out I will be blogging about my quest to be in SICK SHAPE.  Because I can not work out until my incision heals & my hernia gets operated on, I am starting by completely changing my diet.  I'm hoping that muscle memory is a real phenomenon & that 3/4 of my battle will be knocked out before I head into the gym & cross fit & begin killing it!  I have big goals for 2014!! 

Here is my only problem.  I'm on day 3 and I bought this crap today at the grocery store & hid it in my desk drawer.  God help me.  LOL!  OK....So my diet begins officially AFTER THIS TWIX!  And I am not kidding!  

 I'm hoping to post 3 meals a week on my blog & my progress.  NO...You won't be getting a before picture...but I will post my weight & then when I feel good enough, I will start posting pictures.  Since Sunday, we have been eating clean (aside for this twix) and we are going to start walking in the evenings.  Tuesday I have a follow up doctors appointment about my incision issues & once I get the OK....I'm going to get after it!

Tonight....I will be making the following healthy dinner:

CHICKEN WITH CHUNKY VEGETABLE SAUCE OVER BROWN RICE

INGREDIENTS

• 2tablespoons  all-purpose flour

• 4medium skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 pound)

• 1cup  finely chopped onion

• 1tablespoon  olive oil

• 2cloves garlic, minced

• 114 1/2ounce  can diced tomatoes, undrained

• 114 ounce  can artichoke hearts, drained and halved

• 1/3cup  reduced-sodium chicken broth

• Dash of black pepper

• 2teaspoons  drained capers or 2 tablespoons chopped pitted ripe olives

• 1tablespoon  snipped fresh oregano or 1 teaspoon dried oregano, crushed

• 2cups  hot cooked rice

• Pitted ripe olives

DIRECTIONS

1. Place flour in a shallow dish. Dip chicken in flour to coat. Set aside.

2. In a large skillet, cook onion in hot oil over medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir in garlic; push mixture to sides of pan. Add chicken. Cook 4 minutes, or until brown, turning once. Add tomatoes, artichokes, broth, and pepper; stir.

3. Bring to a boil; reduce heat. Simmer, covered, 10 minutes, or until chicken is tender and no longer pink. Remove chicken.

4. Simmer tomato mixture, uncovered, about 3 minutes, or until reduced to desired consistency. Stir in capers and oregano. Serve the chicken over rice; top with sauce. If desired, garnish with olives.

Breakfast for me was:

Greek yogurt

2 cage free brown eggs

One slice of wheat toast with butter spray

2 large cold glasses of water

Lunch:

Mixed garden Salad with chopped egg & chicken breast on top. Lite Tuscan dressing

Snack:  2 twix bars.  Lol.  (help!)

Dinner (Above) 

Late night snack will be apricots.  

Help me stay honest people!!  

Until next time........