Adjusting to life with 2....at 38!!

Well- I'm doing a lot better than some!  I feel blessed.  My little guy is a great sleeper, has a good disposition.....I'm just trying to adjust to life with the 2 of them.  My daughter is doing pretty good- though she has her moments.  The biggest thing I'm dealing with is a very strong bond with her father....and if he has anything to do with the baby....she is NOT happy.  If he holds him....she asks him to hold her etc.  And when he's not around....all she does is ask for him which makes this very emotional & tired mommy kind of sad.    There are so many little things I wanted to share because no one tells you all this stuff!  I think that mothers are intrinsically competitive about their abilities when it comes to parenting & only if you sit down with another mom that is a life-long friend will you get the full truth and nothing but the truth about how it is to be a new parent of 2.  So here are some of the things I have picked up over the course of the month......

He loves his sleep- No matter where it is!

So getting back into the swing of things will take you by surprise.  You will feel a sense of disconnect with your older child.  You'll feel horrible that you can't be as close or as "on top" of things with them as you always have been...at least until you get somewhat of a routine.  It's been exactly one month & I still don't feel back to normal in terms of our relationship.  I suppose I never will!  But it's a new normal & one that works.  I don't feel as close to my son yet because I am so concerned about how my daughter is adjusting.  I almost feel like I don't want her to "catch me" in the moments that I am kissing him incessantly & talking to him in a baby voice telling him how handsome he is & that the Pittsburgh  Steelers are already scouting him or that he's going to get the hottest chicks in high school.  I am learning that adding her to the conversation is helping ALL of us bond.  

The whole mobility thing messes with me.  I have always been a person on the go.  I would grab Hayden & be off!  But the whole car seat thing is ruining my flow!  Having to take it everywhere, get her in the car...buckled...getting him in there...buckled, making sure she has her sheepie or whatever other toy...then when we get wherever it is...doing the same thing!  I think once the heat turns down a notch in Florida...It will be a lot better but it's killing me right now.  I feel like I can't walk outside or do any of the things we normally enjoy because it's SO flipping hot!  Getting myself ready after breast feeding the baby, feeding my daughter, getting her dressed, changing his diapers, getting him dressed...wow!  It's a whole process.  I have realized that my day begins a whole lot earlier if I have an early appointment....and I catch myself getting frustrated with my 3 year old & saying the dreaded words..Come on!  Lets Go!  Hurry Up!  Because the process is so long to get up and do anything.  :-(  I need to get better at that.   I feel like I look gross everywhere I go.  often times leaving the house with a fresh burp stain on my shoulder unbeknownst to me until someone tells me or I catch it in the mirror.  Speaking of mirror...Oy Vey!  I am aging!  The lack of sleep is lending to big bags under my eyes. That combined with the pouch I still have on my belly makes for not so positive a self image lately.  I am still fighting an infection around my incision which has prevented me from taking my workouts to the next level....so that has been something to contend with as well.  I feel like...am I ever going to feel 100%?  Trying to stay positive is one of the biggest battles at this point....

Breast feeding.  For the love of God.  It's one of the most fulfilling things to do...for me, and for the baby but boy is it hard!  I'm trying to breast feed & pump so that I have a store of the liquid gold for that evening out alone with my husband that I keep fantasizing about.  If I get a big bag of milk I am high-fiving myself.  Is this really what has become of my life?  I am doing a dance and yelling Oh YEAHHHH when I pump more than 4 oz out of a particular less active chesticle?  Wow!  I DO need a life!  But seriously- Breast feeding is definitely not for everyone.  Big props go out to those who can do it for the full year...and beyond...although THIS mom will not go any further than a year.  

The dog.  If you think that your dogs were neglected with the first one....you are going to forget it's/their name/s.  Trying to find the time to snuggle with your buddies is hard at first....but as the routine sets in, it will get better.  And no one is more forgiving than the dog.  

Finding the energy to build somethings & have a few laughs!

Forcing myself to get on the floor and play with my daughter has been rough.  I'm going to say what most moms wont.  Playing with blocks & reading stories & being engaged with the older child is a task.  It takes every bit of me to "want" to get down on the ground & play.....but I force myself to do it...and to look happy doing it.  I pray that she doesn't notice that I'm just exhausted & would like nothing more than to lay on the couch and tune every body out & watch some mindless show.  I'm hoping that this passes once the baby is more on a schedule that I'm not up every 3 hours at night feeding.  

He is very strong already!!

Although there are moments that I think to myself...Oh My God....am I ever going to have a minute of peace?  Am I ever going to have a minute to myself?  I remember the journey...and how much we wanted this for our family & for our daughter.  Totally worth it.  Even as I sit down to write this... My son napping, my daughter dancing to music I have playing & then coming to show me her self choreographed routine.....there is nothing better.  I'll figure it out in time!  It's such a short period of time that they are so dependent on me.  I need to enjoy it.