Friends & F*@k-tards

Typically I like to keep things comical.  It's always been my way.  Take the most ridiculous situation and turn it funny....But every now and again my mushy side comes through.....

This weekend was one of those times that I put all jokes aside (at first) and  just reveled in the moment.  Since I've been living in Florida, it's been very hard for me to meet people.  Having lived all over the country, I am constantly in this cycle of meeting people & then leaving.  The older I get, the less ambition I have to start new relationships & then try to maintain them.  What I have found is that I have a core group of friends that no matter what I have done in my life....where the road has taken me....what obstacles & triumphs I've had- They are always there for me.  

My journey to have children has not been easy.  I know that people certainly have had more of a difficult time than me, but none the less- it caused me a lot of stress & turmoil.  Through the whole experience- my family & my core circle of friends has been there to lift me up.....and this weekend proved to be one of those times.  I was feeling very down about not having anyone to share in my joy....not having someone (besides my husband & daughter) to feel excited about having a little boy & wanting to go shopping with me...or just talk about what it's like to have another child or to vent about the fact that my husband still leaves his work shoes on the dining room table despite 16 years of nagging him to just put them directly in the closet....All of those things that most people take for granted because they live close to all their family & friends...I don't get to indulge in on a daily basis.  And all friends are different....All have different purposes in your life.  Some are there because they need me as a sounding board.  Someone to listen.  Some are around to fill the empty space but really are not true friends.  They use you to make them laugh or help organize something that they KNOW you'd never miss because that's just the person you are....But when the chips are down they are no where to be found.  You also have the takers.  People who just take & take & take all of your energy & all of the nice things you are willing to do but never reciprocate. Then there are the liars.  People who lie & brag about themselves constantly because their lives are such a sham & it makes them feel good to pretend that they have the best life....meanwhile it's clear to everyone around them that they are phonies.  And then there are the people that are generally good & just need someone to converse with & feel human with...but don't have the time to really invest in you.....But my core girls....My ride or die bitches.....are there for me no matter what.  

So this week I have not been feeling good at all.  I have had 2 bouts of dehydration, dizziness, nausea.....I'm coming down to the last few weeks of this pregnancy & just am tired, depressed a little, have so much to do for this baby & the last thing I wanted to do was to clean for out of town guests.  My husband had his friends coming into town for the weekend.  Though I think they are great people...I just felt so tired that I really didn't want to move!  So Friday I was finishing up last minute things....when my husband walked in the door.  I looked at him like...."What the hell are you doing here?" and then my mother walked in....And then My best friends....Danielle & Shannon. I stood there stunned.  What were they doing here??  Turns out my husband was lying....to throw me off.  His friends weren't coming.  Mine were.  Why? Oh yeah....That's right....because they heard me.  They knew that being there for me right now when I needed them the most would help me get through a scary, lonely time.  I immediately started to cry.  They were exactly what I needed.  We didn't have a crazy party weekend.  We talked, we ate, we drank (well some of us), and we laughed.  The laughter that had been missing in my life the past few months had returned.  It was so nice to just sit around and talk about our lives & things we could do better or things that we could learn from each other.  We have a real sisterhood.  We had an older mother's perspective (from my mom), a mother of 4's perspective, another pregnant mom's thoughts & the constant comical interjection from my husband.  It made me realize that all the time I sat feeling sorry for myself....That I am so blessed!  The same friends that were with me at the age of 13 in some of my darkest hours....were there for me!  I had them all along.  And my husband....who got the ball rolling on all of the plans.  What a great guy I have!  Sure it has taken 15.5 years of the 16 to get him to this place....But Damn!  He's arrived.  I have to put myself in his shoes....To be strong enough to stand by me through all of my insecurities & always come through with a positive attitude?  He is amazing!!  What a great father he is....an excellent provider....a son who never has been a burden on his family or anyone.....I am blessed.  I fell in love with him all over again.....

I have gone through cleansing periods where I shed friends who I thought "got it".  I have told people to beat it simply because they hurt another friend in my life & I realized that I didn't have time for that! I have gotten rid of the takers & weaned myself away from the braggarts & liars.  I never could understand why a friend would choose to not be honest with the one person who stood by them when every one else in town & around was calling their bluff.  What would a real friend have to gain by not being completely open & true to the person who would have done anything for them?  But left standing there are the few that have never wavered, never faltered, never lied, respected themselves, learned from their mistakes, never chose a guy at a bar over me, never made fun of me or where I'm from, that show my husband & I that they really care about my daughter or our daily trials....The few that have stood the test of time.  My family & my girls.  In all shapes & sizes....tall or short.... with the same loving, giving heart- loyal, HONEST & true.....Standing there, in my house to pull me out of my funk.  These are the same ladies that saw me be-friend people that they knew were not "my type" or the best influence, and they let me make my mistakes & were there for me when I learned the truth & gracious enough to lend comfort when the relationship crumbled....and for those friends that stand by me from afar......  I am forever grateful.  I am humbled by your friendship....though you might be far away, the little selfless things you do to  brighten my day is not lost on me....and I pray that I am being that kind of friend to you too.  

Now- to more pressing matters.  Here are some asshole comments & situations I've had to deal with this week.  I have been shopping for bra's at Target because they are cheap & let's face it- I know these fun bags are not going to last for more than 60 days after the little guy gets here so spending 50 bucks on a Victoria Secret is insane!  (or is it???!) Just like friends....different stores serve different purposes- and Target is my go to store for quick fixes...including (sadly) my temporarily expanded Chesticles.  But my problem is.....the damn hooks on them break!!!!!  I mean....I'm bigger but not THAT big!!!  WTF??  So not only am I uncomfortable in every which way....Can't sit, can't stand, can't lay down.....But when I do find a spot that gives me temporary relief....I am gouged in the back by the one broken prong on the cheap-assed bra i had to buy.  I talked about another situation on Facebook.  MY once a blue moon trip to the nail salon....now- as I mentioned in every post so far....I am a hot mess.  Uncomfortable every second, no patience....dizzy etc.  So WHY is it ME that every time I go to the nail salon, I get the one person that has to hold down the fort.  Literally....There are like 25 nail technicians in the place & I get the one that must address every single person that walks in the door...."HALLO- HOW MAY I HELP YOU"  (How about helping ME by hiring a greeter!!!!!) Takes payments....Empties clean towels from the back....Or even worse, the one that has the sniffles and needs to blow his or her nose while tending to my nubs.  WHY ME!!!!  I have a limited time alone...and chances are these days...If you find me in the salon, It's because it's the first day in 10 that I actually feel well enough to venture out.  Why then must you make me sit there?  And for God's sake- Tell your employees that eating at the lone empty pedicure station is not only FOUL but clearly against code!  Once I witnessed 2 ladies over the foot bath cracking crab and I'm not kidding.   Another thing.....Today I was returning an item to a store & a woman comes up to me & says.....WOAHHHHHHHHH  It must be any day now, right??  Um....Actually lady....I have about 4 weeks left.  But thanks for loudly embarrassing me in front of the store and reminding me how huge I am right now.  I appreciate that.  And for the love of Pete....How about not telling me that my child is going to be huge with a horrified look on your face.....Forcing me to hurriedly tell you I'm having a C-Section so that you don't assume my lady parts will be mauled.  It's more information than I feel like giving at the counter.  Mind your manners.   And lastly....Please refrain from walking up to a complete stranger & telling them your nightmare birth story.  #1- I have a queasy stomach in the first place.  When someone tells me about a wound or a broken appendage...I  am trying my best to keep my shit together so that I don't barf on you or faint.....The LAST thing on the planet I need is you to tell me about your pussing, stapled incision that required you to be airlifted to another facility with specialists.  I really don't need to hear about this merely weeks from going into what is considered a serious surgery!  Have I mentioned I suffer from anxiety? Come on people!  Just more instances where I am found smacking my forehead!

That's all for now.  I think by now my child has toilet papered the bathroom, styled the dog's fur with clips & bows and applied all my make-up.  Back at it....but this time with a smile on my face and an appreciation for those people in my life that bring me great joy.  :-)